i couldn't have said it better myself
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our
own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In
case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all
the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We
get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue,
you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent
lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You
get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from
Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They
have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope
that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in
Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm
control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of
the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit 95
percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state
dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will
have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their
projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University
of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red
states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe
life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You
can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our
own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In
case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all
the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We
get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue,
you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent
lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You
get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from
Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They
have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope
that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in
Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm
control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of
the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit 95
percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state
dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high
tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods,sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will
have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their
projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all
Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University
of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red
states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe
life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You
can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
posted by dude at 9:17 PM
9 Comments:
haha! hear hear!
i really liked this, very entertaining
i know, i wish i would've written it. regardless though, it's pretty funny i'd say
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